A little over 10 years ago, I got to go to New York City to see The Corrs live. Before the concert, some friends and I wandered the city and found ourselves at the foot of the World Trade Center. I had no idea what the buildings were, I just knew that they were an important part of the NYC skyline. We joked, and we hugged the building. We were just teenagers.
Less than a year after that day, I was home sick from school and I walked into the living room, thinking my step-dad was watching a movie. When I looked at the television, the image of smoke pouring from those towers was the first thing I saw. That image will forever be etched into my brain. Despite being 14 years old, I knew that it was an event that was going to change the country, even the world. You can ask anyone who was over the age of 5 that day where they were when those planes hit, and they can tell you every exact detail. I remember that after watching the news for almost an hour.. watching the second plane hit.. watching the towers fall and cover the city in a thick layer of ash and who knows what else.. I went to my room, and I cried. At the time, I don't know what I was crying for. I still had every single member of my family. I was safe, they were safe and we were all healthy. It was almost a year after that it sunk in that I was crying for the kids who never got to see their parents again, for the policemen and firemen who lost their lives.. for the parents who had raised their children, only to lose them. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, and then I lay silent and let my heart hurt.
Now, on the first day of May almost ten years after that horrible day, I will always remember what I was doing when the news broke that the person responsible for 9/11 had been killed. Instead of the news, I found out from Twitter. The advances in technology have changed, but the ultimate effect of the news remained the same. Not a sense of relief, but a sense of something unknown. It is a day to celebrate and remember, but it is also a day to realize that we are not safe. Things have the chance to only get more dangerous from this point on.
Everything that has happened in the past ten years makes me fear for what is to come. I am only 23 years old, and so much has happened in this world. What more is to come?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Monday, October 4, 2010
moments between sleep.
I decided today that I wanted to blog, but I have had a flurry of ideas since then. If I had enough of each, I could break it down into individual entries, but it just seems easier to put it into one. I already know that one part of this blog is going to make my mother cry, but I am okay with that, because it means I still have her here to cry when I get all emotional and junk.
PART I
Today, in the valley, it rained. Being from Michigan, I have always treated rain days as days to curl up in a nice hoodie with a book and read. I also sleep a lot more, and more soundly, than I normally do. I woke up around nine in the morning to take my antibiotic [the stupid sinus and ear infections are pretty much gone, two more days of Amoxicillin!] and looked outside, noticing it was gloomy and the ground was wet. This was acceptable. I curled back up under my blanket and pulled out a George Carlin book. I think I got four pages in before I was fast asleep. I woke up again around one in the afternoon and was pleased to actually hear rain. I managed to stay awake while reading this time. There is more rain in the forecast for tomorrow, so as much as I love California with its sun and shine, I am looking forward to another gloomy/rainy day.
PART II
My cousin, Lisa, is doing this half marathon in a few weeks, and she is running for my mom. For those who don't already know, my mom is currently 3/4 done with chemo treatments after being diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing a mastectomy earlier this year. I had been visiting my dad in Michigan and my mom called me, telling me that she had cancer. Until that moment, I had only heard of people getting news that feels like someone kicked them in the chest. I was 22, and I had nightmares that night of losing my mother. I know that her and I don't have the best relationship. We scream, we fight.. but most importantly, in spite of all of that, we love each other. I wouldn't trade her as my mom for the world. I flew out to SLC in order to be there for her surgery. I still feel bad for having Mark take me home halfway through the day because I just couldn't sit in that waiting room.
The day after her surgery, Mark had been nice enough to fly Leah up from California for a few days, and I hate that I used Leah as an excuse to NOT see my mom in the hospital. I just couldn't be in that room, and looking at her in pain, and not cry. I figured it would be easier for her to get rest without me being a blubbering idiot. I still feel like I didn't do enough to help around the apartment in the week and a half following her arrival back home. Part of me was still lost, and all of me was eternally thankful that I still had [and have] my mother.
Living in California has been rough. Despite three months in Southern Texas, I still wasn't used to being away from my mom AND dad. Even after spending the summer between California, Michigan and Utah, I find myself aching to be in one of the other places I am not. When I am in California, I miss my dad in Michigan and my mom in Utah. When I am in Michigan, I miss Leah in California and my mom in Utah and when I am in Utah, I miss Leah and my dad.
This year, despite being stressful for myself and everyone around me, spending almost the entire time between February and August in Michigan was one of the best experiences. I got to see my dad sober and growing in a way I hadn't yet. I got to spend days on end trapped inside that fucking trailer with ten television channels and sometimes spotty internet. But in that, I also got days on end of spending time with just my dad and I, something we didn't do enough of as I grew to where I am now. He got me out on a bicycle way more than I would have done willingly. And he put up with my mess of having to make the living room my bedroom. And, most importantly, he didn't laugh at me when I would have entire freakouts during tornado warnings. The worst he did was laugh his ass off when I got caught in heavy rain walking back from 7-11 one night. Over my birthday, I was in SLC and Mark and my mom flew out my best friend, Dana, from Michigan. I also got to help with a BBQ that Mark did for his crew at work. [so. many. hamburgers.]
Now, with October here and a very small amount of time left in 2010, I realize that I am more grown up than I was in January, but I still have a lot of growing up to do. I am thankful for so many things in my life, including but not limited to:
PART I
Today, in the valley, it rained. Being from Michigan, I have always treated rain days as days to curl up in a nice hoodie with a book and read. I also sleep a lot more, and more soundly, than I normally do. I woke up around nine in the morning to take my antibiotic [the stupid sinus and ear infections are pretty much gone, two more days of Amoxicillin!] and looked outside, noticing it was gloomy and the ground was wet. This was acceptable. I curled back up under my blanket and pulled out a George Carlin book. I think I got four pages in before I was fast asleep. I woke up again around one in the afternoon and was pleased to actually hear rain. I managed to stay awake while reading this time. There is more rain in the forecast for tomorrow, so as much as I love California with its sun and shine, I am looking forward to another gloomy/rainy day.
PART II
My cousin, Lisa, is doing this half marathon in a few weeks, and she is running for my mom. For those who don't already know, my mom is currently 3/4 done with chemo treatments after being diagnosed with breast cancer and undergoing a mastectomy earlier this year. I had been visiting my dad in Michigan and my mom called me, telling me that she had cancer. Until that moment, I had only heard of people getting news that feels like someone kicked them in the chest. I was 22, and I had nightmares that night of losing my mother. I know that her and I don't have the best relationship. We scream, we fight.. but most importantly, in spite of all of that, we love each other. I wouldn't trade her as my mom for the world. I flew out to SLC in order to be there for her surgery. I still feel bad for having Mark take me home halfway through the day because I just couldn't sit in that waiting room.
The day after her surgery, Mark had been nice enough to fly Leah up from California for a few days, and I hate that I used Leah as an excuse to NOT see my mom in the hospital. I just couldn't be in that room, and looking at her in pain, and not cry. I figured it would be easier for her to get rest without me being a blubbering idiot. I still feel like I didn't do enough to help around the apartment in the week and a half following her arrival back home. Part of me was still lost, and all of me was eternally thankful that I still had [and have] my mother.
Living in California has been rough. Despite three months in Southern Texas, I still wasn't used to being away from my mom AND dad. Even after spending the summer between California, Michigan and Utah, I find myself aching to be in one of the other places I am not. When I am in California, I miss my dad in Michigan and my mom in Utah. When I am in Michigan, I miss Leah in California and my mom in Utah and when I am in Utah, I miss Leah and my dad.
This year, despite being stressful for myself and everyone around me, spending almost the entire time between February and August in Michigan was one of the best experiences. I got to see my dad sober and growing in a way I hadn't yet. I got to spend days on end trapped inside that fucking trailer with ten television channels and sometimes spotty internet. But in that, I also got days on end of spending time with just my dad and I, something we didn't do enough of as I grew to where I am now. He got me out on a bicycle way more than I would have done willingly. And he put up with my mess of having to make the living room my bedroom. And, most importantly, he didn't laugh at me when I would have entire freakouts during tornado warnings. The worst he did was laugh his ass off when I got caught in heavy rain walking back from 7-11 one night. Over my birthday, I was in SLC and Mark and my mom flew out my best friend, Dana, from Michigan. I also got to help with a BBQ that Mark did for his crew at work. [so. many. hamburgers.]
Now, with October here and a very small amount of time left in 2010, I realize that I am more grown up than I was in January, but I still have a lot of growing up to do. I am thankful for so many things in my life, including but not limited to:
- my mother
- my step-dad
- my dad
- my girlfriend
- the love that family and friends alike have shown to myself and the people i love the most throughout this year
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away..
I LOVE YOU.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
zOMG! AN EARTHQUAKE WARNING. lolz. people are stupid.
So, Monday was a long day. I felt icky almost all day and once I picked Leah up from work, had some Pho Citi and had a minor breakdown, mentally, myself, Leah and her mom went to the Urgest Care where her mom works. Sat around for almost two hours before getting into an exam room, then sitting for 30 minutes waiting for the doctor. Found out, as I had suspected, that I have an ear infection and a sinus infection! So I got my 10-day scrip for some Amoxicillin, and I will be all better.
Anyways, we get home and I look at Twitter, and there are all these people tweeting on how SoCal has an EARTHQUAKE WARNING and that in the next few days we are gonna get hit with a 6.0-7.0 quake. Two things:
Anyways, we get home and I look at Twitter, and there are all these people tweeting on how SoCal has an EARTHQUAKE WARNING and that in the next few days we are gonna get hit with a 6.0-7.0 quake. Two things:
- Do these people seriously believe we have somehow managed to predict the exact dates, times, locations and magnitude of earthquakes?!
- The starter of this whole.. well, hoax.. has started others of this same strain. Not once has his "prediction" come true, and he has been announced as a quack.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Why are titles so hard to think of?!
No, seriously, I stared at this page for almost five minutes trying to think of a title for it. Anyways, I am bored while waiting for the next 15 minutes to roll by before Leah and I go down to Burbank to see a movie. For those who pay attention to me on Facebook, you would know that we spent Thursday and Friday at Disneyland. Her dad was nice enough to let us get a hotel room and everything, then spent 170ish bucks to buy me the two day park hopper ticket. On Friday, while rushing with Leah to get her a fastpass for the World Of Color thing, my bad ankle decided to pop and cause my intense pain, so we rented me a wheelchair and Leah pushed me around all day. She enjoyed it, and it was cute. We got to get on a lot more rides than we would have since we got to use the handicapped entrances. Win.
I finally got to see Fantasmic, which is this cool show in New Orleans Square. And Friday was opening day for Haunted Mansion Holiday for The Haunted Mansion. Basically, they shut it down for a couple weeks and redo the entire thing after The Nightmare Before Christmas. Those who know me, know that this is awesomeness in my book. We ate at ESPNZone both days we were there.. good food, comfy seats and a huge ass television. Win x2.
We are already planning on going back in November for a day, which is when we will set up my annual pass so we don't have to buy me a ticket anymore. Towards the end of October, Leah and I are going to be going to Knotts Berry Farm for a night. It's this really cool package. Two tickets to the park for Knott's Scary Farm, two pre-scare dinners, two collectible keycards, a hotel room for the night, two t-shirts and two breakfast buffets. All for about 210 dollars. It is gonna be pretty cool. We are also going to try and get to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios so I can go through the Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses maze, the Nightmare On Elm Street maze and do the Terror Tram, which is apparently all Child's Play themed.
I finally got to see Fantasmic, which is this cool show in New Orleans Square. And Friday was opening day for Haunted Mansion Holiday for The Haunted Mansion. Basically, they shut it down for a couple weeks and redo the entire thing after The Nightmare Before Christmas. Those who know me, know that this is awesomeness in my book. We ate at ESPNZone both days we were there.. good food, comfy seats and a huge ass television. Win x2.
We are already planning on going back in November for a day, which is when we will set up my annual pass so we don't have to buy me a ticket anymore. Towards the end of October, Leah and I are going to be going to Knotts Berry Farm for a night. It's this really cool package. Two tickets to the park for Knott's Scary Farm, two pre-scare dinners, two collectible keycards, a hotel room for the night, two t-shirts and two breakfast buffets. All for about 210 dollars. It is gonna be pretty cool. We are also going to try and get to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios so I can go through the Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses maze, the Nightmare On Elm Street maze and do the Terror Tram, which is apparently all Child's Play themed.
Let's give this another go.
So, I have tried blogging before, but I never seem to be able to keep it up. Maybe now with using blogger and being able to follow my mom [oi], I will be more inspired to type up some stuff every few days. I hope.
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